Buy it, Wear it, Eat it, Love it - Beach Lessons Part 1

Between in July and August, the Kingdom spends anywhere from four to six days a week at the beach, courtesy of this little slice of paradise.  The annual stock up on beach essentials; flip flops, sun hats, sunglasses, bathing suits, and cover-ups is a summer tradition in the Kingdom.  This season new flip flops, and cover-ups are in order.  Let us discuss.

Flip Flops - People let's not make this more difficult or costly than it needs to be.  Just go here.

$5.00 - every imaginable color.  Heck go wild and spend $7.50 on a pair with rhinestones.

Cover-ups - Significantly more complicated than flip flops, and there are some baffling options abounding this season.

First let's define cover-up.  The function of a beach cover-up is to protect one from the sun and provide enough coverage of the Royal Assets that if the Countess were to run into her neighbor/Pastor/son's teacher/mailman/colleague she would not feel compelled to bury herself in the sand.  Hence a piece of chiffon color coordinated to your suit which you then tie around your tush is not a cover-up, it's a piece of chiffon that matches your suit which you tie around your tush. 

It bears mentioning once again that the Countess is not pretending she's in St. Barts with the beautiful people, nor is she at OBI (Nassau County natives will now nod knowing) to pick up boys with last names that end in vowels, have sick pecs and tattoos.  She does not EVER want to be referred to as a cougar.  She is at the beach with her children.

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This is adorable.  Cute pattern, appropriately modest, $198.00.  No.

This Tina Turk number is Bananas.  It's also $137.00 and dry clean only.  Bananas, and this time not in a good way.

Anthropologie threw their hat into ring with a few winners that confirm the Kingdom's suspicion that their designers consume large quantities of weed to get in the proper mindset to design all that boho sh*t.

Just wrong.  This is the cover-up Lady Gaga would select if she went on a Kentucky Fried Chicken binge and tipped the scales at 225.

Mystified.  It's like a Project Runway challenge using toilet paper.

Now head back to the place you got the cheap flip flops

and buy this.......

This bit of Ikat cuteness costs a whopping $9.99.  Done.  It also comes in solid colors including a beyond divine lilac that will look faboo with a tan.

That concludes today's beach lesson.